This morning my father had a chit chat with me. Yeah we usually talk when he sending me to the
tren station. So, my father ask me
"Kakak balik kampung tak raya ni?"
and I said
"Balik kot"
Then my father reply
"Kakak balik la. Ayah tak balik. Bawak adik sekali"

I look into his face. He suffering. My father was very calm but I know he suffer inside.
Every raya my sister and I usually going back to our kampung. But when he said like that
he make me feel so sad. Kami tak selalu dapat raya bersama disebabkan masalah tertentu. I wish I could
tell it here but no good la untuk buka aib family sendiri kan.

Sekarang dia dah dapat rasa yang kami tak berapa selesa kat rumah and that's why dia suruh kami pergi.
Dan dia dah bagi green light jugak untuk aku cari rumah sewa and pindah.

Oh. I am so sad. I don't want to go far from my father. He is my father.
I don't know why is this happening to us. But I am so proud of my father. He so strong. He so calm.
He never get angry but I know deep inside his heart he so sad. I think he miss my mum. Me too. My sis too.
All of us miss my mum so much.


Ayah siap bagitau lagi nak buat kenduri arwah untuk mak.
Bulan depan 10 Jun dah masuk 8 years mak takde.
So ayah cakap suruh aku bagi duit dekat tok wan cakap nak buat kenduri untuk mak
I'm so sad bila ayah start cakap macam tu. Dia cakap nak buat kat sini susah sikit.
For those yang faham .. faham-faham jela. For those yang tak faham I ca't tell the reason why.
Memang susah orang nak faham keadaan kita. Maybe they can give us idea how to solve this but diaorang akde kat tempat kami
so diaorang tak tau betapa susah nak betulkan semua.
Just pray for us.
Pasal kenduri tu I will tell my tok wan ASAP untuk tentukan bajet. Tapi nak balik kampung tak sure la sebab dah start new job kan
takut susah pulak nak mintak cuti.
I'll try how to figure it out. I need to go back to kampung.



May. Every May make me so much trouble. Because this month is Mothers Day month.
As you know my mother no longer in this world. She's gone for about 7 years when I was 13. She has been sick around 7 years also.
Dia lumpuh. She can't talk,stand and move sebab badan dia mengeras. She just lying kat kerusi malas and sometime tok wan akan angkat duduk kat atas kerusi roda.
Tok dengan Tok Wan tolong jaga mak sebab ayah kat KL kerja for us. Kadang-kadang dia akan balik kampung jugak. Ayah tak pernah lupa responsibility dia.
Aku tinggal dengan mak sampai darjah 6. Masuk tingkatan 1 aku pindah sebab banyak kecik hati dengan mak cik and pak cik aku dulu. Tapi sekarang dah tak dah.
Well, when you are losing your mom it feels like you've lose your best friend,girlfriend,personal adviser,stylish,chef dan keselesaan. U know what I mean right?
It so empty. Sunyi. I wish I have mom again. My real mom.
T_T.. Al-Fatihah

notakaki: Happy Mother Day to all mother in the world.

Labels: ::ceritera dira, ::family

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