Hi guys,

It has been so long since last entry, but actually I have a lots of entry to post but after thinking this and that so I decide not to post it but save it. Hari ni punya post well saje la iolls nak kongsi macam mana Allah jentik iolls minggu lepas dengan satu ujian yang berat untuk iolls terima dan ambil. Tapi tak tahu la if this post macam membuka aib ataupun tak. But I won't tell it very clear but just to share to you guys how Allah wake me up. Yela after all this time I've been so ignorant living in HIS world, doing nothing and it was just one day, Allah jentik iolls. Then iolls tersedar even though it was soooo hard to accept. Hati and badan iolls sakit sangat-sangat sampai iolls rasa

 'Ok. Enough. I can't do this anymore'. 

Memang iolls rasa nak give up sangat sebab rasa betul dah tak mampu. Bila tengah down macam ni memang banyak sangat bisik-bisik jahat suruh buat macam-macam. But ape yang iolls boleh fikir time tu is

'No, Jangan yatimkan anak kau'.

 Iolls masuk bilik air bukak shower and duduk bawah shower sampai rasa bisik tu hilang and iolls calm down. Usually memang iolls buat centu when iolls rasa sangat down and to get rid of those unwanted whisper. Selama hari ni iolls sabar, iolls diam but what I get last week really break my heart.

At the same time I just feel really grateful. Alhamdulillah Syukur, Allah still see me and He never left me alone. He never ignore me, I realized that He gave me this test sebab Dia nak dengar dan Dia rindu nak iolls mintak dekat dia, rayu, mengadu dengan Dia because of what? Because He is the only one who know what is the best for us, He is the only one who can give whatever we want. I know He trying to make me stronger than who I am today because in every doa I make, the only thing I ask a lot from Him is 'Ya Allah, kuatkan hati dan diri aku', benda ni selalu, setiap kali doa. Dari dulu sampai sekarang. Dan hari tu Dia buktikan yang Dia dah makbulkan apa yang iolls minta. Dia bagi ujian berat untuk tengok macam mana iolls terima. At that time macam yang iolls cakap tadi rasa nak give up kan. Masa tu fikir dua benda je move on or stay. But I choose to stay because I realized that everyone of us deserve a second chance so do I and I know Allah has a better plan for me. So that is why I choose to stay.

In Facebook I've been following this girl Aida Azlin, dia ni selalu up video yang sangat-sangat kena dengan diri iolls and cara dia berdakwah or sampaikan sesuatu benda tu sangat lah simple tapi sangat terkesan. I love how she using a simple English and sometimes selitkan hadis or potongan ayat Al-Quran. She was just amazing to me. And when I was in that grieve state I suddenly see this video, and I watch it and it really convince me that I am making a right choice to stay. How amazing Allah sent her just to be an 'asbab' for me to make a hard decision. I don't know how you guys can deal or what are you guys going to do when you guys feel what I have been through that day. 

So, that's it. a little bit story of mine for what has happened to me last week and before this. Till next time guys. Bye.

notakaki:

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